Honestly, my life lately has been 80% work. I feel like it's bar exam blogging all over again, only on a different degree of stabbiness and with more wine. My job has the tendency to take over my entire brain, and everything that comes out of my mouth ends up being work-related, and then I feel like I'm that douchebag in my 1L class that had absolutely nothing to say ever that diidn't involve the law. I've even been dreaming about my cases, and there is abolutely nothing more messed up than that. I had done a really good job of compartmentalizing work from life for the first eight months of my employment, and for some reason, I've done a complete 180 and gotten really, really bad at it in the last month.
Even then, the things that have happened outside of work don't leave me with much a desire to write anyway. A friend from law school's baby passed away Saturday, and that has been hanging so heavy on my heart. My entire chest aches for my friends. They are some of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of meeting, and knowing that they are having to deal with something so incomprehensible is almost unfathomable to me.
It's hard for me sometimes to come up with any words to say in situations like these: I don't want to use the cliched terms that every grieving survivor hates to hear, but I also don't want to talk about the weather and pretend that everything is perfect. It's a fine line to walk and a decision that you don't want to have to make- do you talk about it, or do you skate around it? It's so difficult because I know that nothing I can say will make them feel any better, and that is such a foreign set of circumstances for me. I'm a fixer, sometimes to a fault. I hate not being able to wrap a bow on heartbreaking situations and put it all back together.
I certainly don't want to seem like I'm taking their tragedy and making it my own, as though it were somehow important that it affects me in ways that I'm not sure how to handle. Maybe I'm looking more for advice or suggestions. I want so badly to be a good friend, and I'll be honest: I think, with this, I'm just not sure how.
I ended up just telling them how much we loved them and supported them and then cooked everything in the house and dropped it off. What I can't put into words, for now, I'll just try to say with cookies.
if you would like to donate or leave a few encouraging words, please do so here- the family reads them, and every supportive comment will be appreciated.