Slut Shaming and Truth Talk

I read an article yesterday afternoon titled The Girls Who Are Never Getting Married.  When I saw it on my Facebook timeline, I think I envisioned it as something vastly different than what it actually was.  Naively enough, I assumed it was some sort of empowering female-written piece that intelligently discussed the other roles that women could play besides wife and mother: that in 2013, women have far more options than we did fifty years ago, and that if we choose not to marry or have children, we've progressed enough as a society that there would be no residual 1950s Donna Reed shame to pour upon them.

The only thing I was right about was that it was written by a female.

And perhaps that's the part of the article that gave me the stabbies the most.

The article basically outlines certain groups of girls that guys are OMGtotallynotmarrying.  Apparently, if you're staying out late at the club and sleeping with guys, you better enjoy it, Jack, because you're gonna be the old spinster with a collection of porcelain bunnies and no husband because guys don't want non-virgin drinking girls OMGGG.  And that's totally a problem, y'all, because if you don't get married, you're pretty much worthless.

I think that's my biggest issue with this article: not even the slut shaming (reprehensible though it may be), but the singleton shaming.  The article sets up marriage to be the end-all, be-all for every woman, the event that you're born yearning for, without which you're incomplete and lonely.


And it's not.  If you treat marriage like that, you're pretty much bound to get divorced.  If you can't stand yourself on your own, I'm pretty sure your manpal doesn't care for you much either.

Not to mention, any man worth a damn doesn't care if you were a partygirl in a former life.  If he judges you on your past, he ain't meant for your future.  Bottom line.  We're breeding a society of young idiot men that are engulfed in being frat and demeaning women, and the young women are lapping it up, eager to have her frat daddy, no matter the cost.  If he demeans you, he's not a real man.

So let's talk for a moment about real men.  Men of substance and character.  Real men support your goals and aspirations no matter what they may be, from homemaker to rocket surgeon.  Real men don't wrongly assume that you have to be Julia Child in the kitchen, Martha Stewart with a vacuum and Jenna Jameson in the bedroom.  Real men respect your opinions and value you for your character.  Real men, no matter what TFM tells you, don't refer to women as slampieces.

[Side note: if you are a female who uses the term slampiece, I take pity on you.  Because you obviously think very little of yourself.]

Simply put, real men, the men we cherish and value, are, at heart, feminists.

Feminism has almost become a dirty word.  You'll notice that nothing in the above referenced Webster's definition of feminism has any sort of negative connotation.  Perhaps I can't speak for all feminists, but for me, it just means that I am equal, in every way, to a man.  I am just as smart, just as capable, just as powerful as a man.

And we all are.  But power is never given.  It's taken.  You have to respect yourself enough to think that you deserve to be an equal.  And from the tone of this woman's article, it's painfully obvious that she doesn't.

#rambleblog

Before Midnight

I almost cried happy tears last night when I was watching Kimmel.  Big giant happy pageant girl alligator tears.

Partially because of the Baby Bachelor, which is something I would watch without any shame whatsoever.

Yep.  Absolutely no shame.  I'd love more episodes of that adorable little curly-headed Muppet. 

Anyway, the main reason Kimmel had me crying happy tears was that he had Ethan Hawke on the show, and I had no idea that Before Midnight was actually being made.  I died a little when I saw it.  I get a third and final installation of Celine and Jesse where they're actually together???  I cried.  I wish I was kidding.

The amount of love I have for Before Sunrise is almost unprecedented in terms of romantic movies.  I honest to goodness think that film is as perfect a romantic movie as has ever been made.  It released in 1992, but it focused on the unsteadiness of those in their early twenties, and all of the second-guessing that occurs in the period of your life.  Is it love?  Is it infatuation?  What do I do with my life?

(I think Ethan Hawke was the king of this genre in the nineties.  See also Reality Bites.)

I think if everyone could experience that kind of maddening love, the world would be a better world.

They are such genuinely hopeful, romantic films.  And I want y'all to love them like I do.

Did I just write an entire post about a movie?  Yes sir I did.  And now I'm going to watch Before Sunrise and Before Sunset to prep myself for the June 14 release.  Whoops.

How To Help Oklahoma

I've lived about 95% of my twenty nine years in either Arkansas or Oklahoma.  Chances are, if you live in one if these states (or Kansas, Texas, or Missouri), you've taken shelter from a tornado at least once in your life.  When you grow up in what's known as Tornado Alley, warning drills in schools were as commonplace as the pledge of allegiance.  We tend to treat tornado sirens like cooking timers: once you hear them, you have to walk out to the yard to see if you can spot it before taking cover.

For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by inclement weather.  I attribute that, at least in part, to being a native of Tornado Alley.  There is a certain amount of terrifying beauty in the formation of a tornado.  It's hard for me to watch a tornado form and not wholeheartedly believe in the power and strength of an Almighty God.  Nature in general typically makes me wax poetic about the awe-inspiring power of God, and something like this boggles my mind.

There have been so many of these that have hit so close to home.

I can remember April 21, 1996, when a EF3 tornado tore apart my hometown of Fort Smith.

I remember the May 3, 1999 Oklahoma tornado outbreak (which unfortunately also devastated Moore).

I just barely missed the May 8, 2003 Moore tornado.  I had left Norman to visit my Arkansas family the afternoon before.

Less than a month after Joplin, I was passing through on my way home from Kansas City and stopped to look.  I took some pictures there, and I can remember thinking that I would never see anything like that ever again.  I've never had a scene take my breath away like Joplin did.  It quite literally rendered me breathless and speechless.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.  I would see something like that again, and it was even closer to me.  It breaks my heart that an area that I've called home has seen so much devastation.  It is such a silver lining, though, that so many people want to assist these people who have lost everything they own.  Like Mr. Rogers said, when you are in the middle of bad times and you get scared, look for the helpers,  You will always see good people trying to help, and fortunately, Oklahoma is notorious for their huge hearts.  Kevin Durant of the OKC Thunder has donated $1M to disaster relief, as has Chesapeake Energy.  The University of Oklahoma (my old stompin' grounds) has opened up its dorms to anyone who is displaced.  If you or someone you know need these services, please call (405) 325-2511.  

So what can un-millionared little guys like us do?

Here's how you can help:

1.  Go to your local Red Cross in the coming days and sign up for disaster relief training.  The problem right now (and I hesitate to call it an actual problem) is that everyone wants to help, but very few people are trained in the X's and O's of HOW to help.  You want to help, but if you don't know what you're doing, you might end up being more in the way.  

If you sign up to be a Disaster Relief volunteer now, you'll be better equipped to respond to a future emergency.  You can find more information on the Red Cross website.

There will be a great need for volunteers in the coming weeks after the rescues are completed.  Once the clean-up process begins, that's when regular Joes like you and I will be most beneficial.  

2.  Give monetarily.  Sometimes, money can be more helpful than the actual doing, especially when we aren't quite sure what to do.  The Red Cross has said that this is actually the best way for everyone to help right now.  You can text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to the victims of the Moore tornado, OR you can text "STORM" to 80888 to give $10 through the Salvation Army.

3.  You can send water, nonperishable food, clothing and shoes to Journey Church in Norman, just south of Moore.  The address is 3801 Journey Parkway, Norman, OK 73072.  You can also send them to 7401 North Kelley Avenue in OKC.  

4.  For anyone around me (Arkansas/ Oklahoma area), I'm considering going over in the coming weeks, once a clean up effort begins. If you'd like to drop anything with me (or I can even come pick it up), I know it will help.

5.  Look through your Facebook or watch your local news for donation drives in your area.  Many churches are collecting both funds and water/food/clothing for disaster victims.  Do your research, though, and make sure they are reputable.  If you are in the Fort Smith area, a semi truck will be leaving tomorrow from Mercy (I believe).  Please contact me if you'd like to donate.

Also, Dallas Street Dental is doing a drive.  You can find their Facebook page here.

6.  If you are in the Norman area, the Norman Healthplex is having a blood drive on the 7th floor.  It's at 1-35 and Tecumseh. 

7.  Pray.  There is a strong line of storms pushing through the Moore area again today.  Please just pray.

And if anyone has any other information to add, please let me know.