Or just envision Mike Myers in So I Married An Axe Murderer.
(whatever, just pretend)
+ In the beginning, I thought about writing these ruminations as haikus, but I don't have the brain power. It's hard to get the syllables right. I'd never pass the third grade with these skills.
+ But I tried one anyway, just for kicks and giggles.
Ask my client for help
But they give me the finger
Slam my head on desk.
+ It can be a futile effort to write a lifestyle blog when you have no life.
+ I'm literally counting down the days until my vacation. I'm eighteen short days away from hopping a plane to Orlando to play with Mickey and Whitney, and honestly, that is sort of the only thing that's keeping my breathing right now.
+ Speaking of breathing ... my friend Tracy nominated me to be recognized as one of Northwest Arkansas' Finest Young Professionals by the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Crazy, right?
+ Even crazier? They picked me. Which means that I get to try to raise a big pile of cash for the CFF. I'm really excited about it, and about getting to raise money to keep Blond John all healthy-like. I feel like the pressure is on now, though ... I've been going to these events for three years now, so I feel like I have to win the fundraising portion. The guy who won it last year raised something insane like $22,000 ... so I sort of have some big shoes to fill.
+ I'm Advocaring again, since I'm like three weeks out from being in a swimsuit (andddd I just gagged). It's sort of like brushing your teeth really hard and flossing right before a dentist appointment: it might all be for naught, but it makes me feel like I've done something, so YOLO.
+ Remember when I said I wanted to try to go a whole day without swearing? Well, it ain't gonna happen while I'm working at my current job, I can tell ya that.
+ Riffraff is opening up a Dallas store this summer, so you Texans get ready for some supercute clothing with amazing customer service.
That's the end of my jam poetry sesh. Feel free to throw me some snaps if you feel inclined to do so.