Thursday, December 20, 2012

It's Okay: Doomsday Edition

Watch out, y'all, it's supposed to get HOT soon.

Everyone is losing their minds about the Mayan calendar ending.  We're talking about the same people who could barely use a wheel and couldn't foresee the fall of their own civilization, but we've convinced ourselves that they predicted doomsday eleventy billion years in the future.


Personally, I think the guy making the calendar was probably a little bit like me and got started on a calendar-ish Pinterest project and got distracted by the dinosaurs and apes and went out to play and forgot to finish it.  He came back and was like, "Okay, I'll do this tomorrow" and put the calendar in his closet and just sort of forgot about it.  

And now we're all in a tizzy about the prehistoric Tyler.

However, in honor of those silly Mayans, I'm doing an It's Okay ... Doomsday Edition.

(clarification: I most certainly do not think time runs out tomorrow.  But it sure makes for a good post)

Its Ok Thursdays

It's Okay ...

... that I never got married.  I would have assigned Whitney, Sami, Brooke, Helene, Meighan and Neely these perfect Disney bridesmaids dresses, though.

Now, who's arguing over Mulan?


... that I'll never find out who Ted ends up with.

No, it's really not.

... that for Blond John's last birthday, we were back home watching Damages by 8:00.  In our defense, we were full as little ticks.  Crab cakes do that.

... that I'll never see my goal weight of ten pounds, two ounces.  BOO.  

And I'll never look like Daisy Duke.

Not sure that I would have anyway, but at the end of time, I can pretend that I would have.  


... that I never got to have cocktails with either of these guys:

I would have gotten tipsy and handsy and clowned out anyway.

... that I never got to go to Space Camp.

... that I've only made like, two Pinterest things out of the 13,853 that I've posted.

... that my bucket list was never fully realized.  I may not have taken a helicopter ride over the Vegas strip, but I almost got hit by a street sweeper outside a bar watching the sun rise on Bourbon Street.  Does that count?

... that I never got to meet my favey blogtwin bridesmaids.  We'll just have a baller party in the afterlife. I know a few people who can bring the boxed wine.  I'll just bring the fat kid food.

Calories don't count in Heaven, guys.  I read that somewhere.

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  1. If I have to wear one of those dresses, then I'm going to be Snow White. For realsies. I'll bring the boxed wine and the fat kid food definitely. Both will be needed. I'll bring Dwayne Wade to cocktails with Mr. Griffin - it'll be a double datesy. And then, ya know, we will look like Daisy Dukes together.

  2. Ok, now that I got dips on my bridesmaid dress..... Um, I'm having a hard time commenting on this post because it's so brilliant. If you weren't my sparkle bestie, I'd talk mad shit about you because of the jealousy I feel from not thinking of such brilliance.

  3. yes, brooke gets to be snow white. i will be sleeping beauty, as long as I get to make that face.

    in heaven I will be about 8 lbs. and jessica simpson with be 800. she might be that already.

  4. You just made my whole day :) And maybe the rest of my life if tomorrow gets a bit hot! Thanks for the good laugh this morning, girl!


  5. I guess I've got Belle! I'm not trying to be Mulan (although I did do a brilliant rendition of Reflection in the 8th grade choir concert..anyways) Can Gavin be my after life Hubs?! He better be. Can't wait to party it up with you.. there are certainly no hangovers either!

  6. this is completely hilarious. jealous i didn't think of it myself.
    my favorite was imagining the mayan dude out to play with the dinosaurs and chuckin the calendar in his closet and your use of "hooookay". clever. i like that.
    happy thursday!

  7. This post is HILARIOUS! I love it. Love the Disney wedding, you should SO do that! HAHA. Talk about your girls hating you! WOW. Do you see Belle's face? LOL

  8. Here's to hoping that it's true that calories don't count in Heaven. And let's be real I don't need the world to end while I'm slaving away at work...let's wait until at least 5:30 so I can have a cold beer in my hand. thank you!:)

  9. BAHAHHAHAHA to everything here

  10. Love this post! I'll admit I alost had to stop reading at the part about finding out about Ted. I got too distracted trying to figure out who the heck the mother is!!! Love that show!

  11. Haha I love EVERYTHING about this post!

    Let's hope the Myanas were wrong. They did, afterall, not predict that they would be long gone before doomsday lol!

  12. They should just reveal who Ted ends up with on Facebook tonight.....

    and then tomorrow be all "lol.jk, guys. you have to wait another season to find out."

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  14. Im all for calories not counting!!

  15. hey! just found your blog. i'm from arkansas, too. residing in good ole north little rock..not to be confused with "little rock" ha! just wanted to say, hi!

    let's hope we don't disappear into oblivion tomorrow. highly unlikely but ya know

  16. Whitney directed us over to your blog today, and I'm so glad she did! Because this was a great post, and I'm already looking forward to reading more of your blog. I mean honestly, you had me at hideous-Disney-bridesmaid-dress. What's not to love about that?!

  17. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO SPACE CAMP! Now I'll never get to do it!

    Ugh. I'm with you. I think the Mayans just got lazy.

  18. so basically, this made my day compelte :)! haha

  19. no calories and no hangovers in Heaven? I will see you ladies there!

  20. those bridesmaid dresses are perfection. Not at all sad, really. Also, if the world ends tomorrow and we don't find out who Ted ends up with, the big guy upstairs and I are going to have a nice long chat.

  21. I feel as though we are MFEO based on one thing: Jenna Marbles and Max no sleeves. hand me a tissue, please? and that bling isn't half bad either...

  22. I mean this may be the funniest things I've ever read. I found you from I Wore Yoga Pants to Work's post today. Love you!
    Jessica - Love & Loyally, JMG